Finding a Way to Stand Again

The last six weeks has been pretty difficult. I realized, more than ever, that I needed to reach deep inside me to deal with some personal issues that have been plaguing my life for a long time. I retreated from the social venues I was going to in order to focus on myself. The good news is I successfully began working them out and now I'm on the road to feeling better. Tonight represents the first time I'm going back out socially with some of the people I felt awkward around. I helped make it that way, though, by being really quiet and withdrawn, and I will rectify the problem.

Work has been getting easier. I like my job a lot. I think it'll get better as I get settled in, but I can tell already it's a 1000% improvement over my previous job. I am glad and feel fortunate to work there.

I've found someone I like a lot. We went out once and we plan on going out again next weekend. We will see how it goes. All I can do is keep trying to take better care of myself. If I do that, the rest will take care of itself.

Yesterday, I found a new place to live and I'm thrilled. I should be moving there in a little under 3 months. It's a major upgrade over where I am. At the very least, it's a little more removed from college students. Always a plus.

The one thing that bothers me, though, is my sense of self. Two years ago, I lost a lot of friends because I was too proud. I was overconfident and I was unable to balance myself out. I can feel some of those same tendencies beginning to take over. I'm fighting to temper them and keep myself on a straight and narrow path. I need to, or risk losing what I've built so far. I will make sure I don't.

Well, that's all for now. See you in a month.

Thankful

Now that it has been a little time since I started my new job, I've had a chance to reflect on the still-changing mosaic of my life. I feel like I'm beginning to put the difficult times of the past year behind me. I am now almost recovered from my surgery. One nasty scar on my tailbone/ buttocks, 3-4 doctors, a lot of worrying, and a lot of tried patience later, I think I'm close to ending this chapter of my life.

It hasn't all been pleasant, though. A couple of weeks after leaving my old job, I had an emotional breakdown over a weekend. I had been keeping so many feelings locked away. It hurt to experience what I'd been putting aside. A lot of sadness, mostly. I felt used by people, and that hurt a lot.

The good news, though, is I've realized more and more what kind of person I am. My friend Chris told me I'm a really great person before he left to return to Philadelphia. I was so stunned it was one of the last things he told me, I still remember it. As I have begun getting out socially and starting to have a life again, I've realized that he was right. I have something to contribute. I will make sure, though, to be thankful of what I have and not take it for granted. I have a feeling that won't be a problem, though.

It's been an amazing year so far. I think this year has some other great things in store for me. Life is 90% positioning, 10% execution, and I got a feeling I'm getting into position for something truly great to happen. I'll just have to wait and see what it is. For now, I will be happy with the way life is now and smile and embrace it.

I did

I said "I will," when I was searching for new employment and hoping that my last set of interviews with another government agency would yield fruit and a job offer. The good news, I am happy to report, is I did. I got the offer and I am going to be starting very shortly. I am thrilled at the opportunity to leave what has been a difficult and unstable work environment for a full-time, permanent position with benefits. I personally believe that no one should ever lower their standards. This does result in some difficult times and some difficult situations, but it also means that I end up happy.

Now, life can finally settle in. I still may require to have another surgery, but we will just wait and see on that. I am not sure what is going to happen there. I seem to be doing better and time will only tell there. I am beginning to search for a new place to live, so I will hopefully move into something that is in better line with what a young professional should be living in. I also have plans to upgrade my wardrobe, because I'm going to need some nicer attire for my new job. Not to say my current stuff is bad or inappropriate, but I have to go from business casual up to a shirt and tie/ business attire. Not a huge woe, but will cost something nonetheless.

Now I also hope to find someone nice. The one woman I was really hoping to meet has stopped responding, so it is time to move on. I'm excited for where my life is going now. I've managed to steer it back on track and I hope to keep it that way.

Experience

I've thought a lot about what experience means these days. Every job I apply for, there's this component of experience that they want. It's usually too high for what I have, which is a little over a year's experience. The truth is, I think I am capable of doing any job I'm placed in, experience or not.

But maybe more importantly, I've learned via experience that it is something you find as you go along and it needs to be turned into good things. I've had some pretty high highs the last two years- I had good friends, just graduated with my Master's, etc. I also have had some pretty big lows, such as my surgery and burning all those bridges with my friends.

But now that the new year is here, and I am on the cusp of knowing some big things, I wonder how things will change. I plan on doing more socially because I've been a hermit too long. I plan on finding an awesome chick because I haven't tried very hard.

Maybe most importantly, my experience has taught me I should value the things I have and take care to preserve them. I think I have learned that the most.