Would you stop for a second?

I went out with her a few nights ago. It was just a dinner meet up, but I was using it as an opportunity to see if there was something more. It turns out the only thing we've really got in common is that we attend the same school. Different career paths, different people. I walked out thinking that this was a person who was definitely looking to be other places, but couldn't slow down long enough to spend some meaningful time. To be honest, I've met people like this, and I have a good friend who is like this as well. Part of me really hoped it was going to have something more, but it didn't, and that's all right. Well, it has to be, or the cops come knocking at the door. I would like to avoid that in the near future.

I've been bummed out for a few days. Some of it has not been all bad. I've been trying to think of how I feel, and it's something like this: I am disappointed, but also inspired. I realized that I focused a ton on something I didn't have much of a chance of getting and I neglected things I wanted to do. So, today I booked two plane flights and a hotel: one for a test I'm going to take for a job (with the hotel) and another to see my grandparents. These two trips take place on back-to-back weekends and I'm excited about both as escapes from the mundane of school. I'm going to see some old friends and see some places I've not seen in a long while. I'm really looking forward to that.

My initial response to this whole thing was "no one stands still long enough to talk to me, so you know what, I'm done with people and I give up." After thinking about it for a while, I realized that's a dumb statement. Yes, a lot of my friends in grad school have other lives going on concurrently and don't have a lot of time to hang out with me. But I've started noticing the people who do make time. I've got this good friend who lives in L.A. I have talked to her in spurts since I met her two years ago, but I've realized that she is the one person who knows me at my deepest core. I love her to death like a sister. She's stood by me at times when I couldn't even stand by myself. We've celebrated milestones in each others' lives and we've held each other up when the stuff's hit the fan. It's when I thought about her, and I've thought about the other friends I've got, that I've realized it's not always about the quantity of friends. I am not going to go on facebook and rack up 500 friends like a lot of people I know. But if there is one thing I know, it's about the quality of the people who you are true friends with. A good friend can be the difference between a good day and a bad day. They are the ones who will stop for a second.

It's after I thought about my friends I realized that even though I've been sick, coughing, physically hurting from coughing, mentally cramped up and wishing life would continue on, I'm not sure I'd change a lot in my life right now. Sure, there's always things we want to improve on. There are some tough pills to swallow. But I know there's things about me that always carry me through. And I'll do just that. I won't slow down. I'll make my own path, because that's my way, and I'll go with courage and faith, because as the late John Challis said, courage + believe= life.