Resilience

What is resilience?

As I sit home on Christmas Day with the family, I have forced myself to try and de-stress from everything going on. Searching for new employment. Anxiously awaiting a girl to settle in in Columbus so we can meet. Trying to heal from a surgery that was nine months ago. There is some good with the bad, but it is very stressful

I came home Friday night completely exhausted. I ached all over. I was congested. Tired. And I developed some sort of massive sore near my incision which thankfully two days is significantly healed, but still painful. I may be able to sit in a soft chair again,.but not without discomfort.

I feel quite exhausted. When trying to get ready for some of my hockey games this past season, I wondered how I would get through them. I love playing hockey so much. I feel eternally stressed and I feel like every time I take a step forward, I expect to go two steps back. I'm trying to do too much. I want too much in life. I have very high standards.

So, when I sit and think about everything, which I try as hard as I can not to, I remind myself I must stand taller than the rest. Progress has been made and my instincts tell me the dam is about to break. All I need to do is push just a little harder. Give it one more massive heave and all the awesome things I want will come into place.

That is what resilience is. It is about finding the strength to make that push. I have been living under a lot of stress since August. Through it all, though, I have found a way to say "I will." I will find new employment. I will find a woman who makes me very happy. I will finally put this surgery behind me. I will punch a hole so big in that dam that I will leave the people around me amazed.

That is the very definition of resilience- saying "I will" when all you want to say is "I can't."

I will.